Sunday, October 28, 2007
Episode 4: Chilshish....Allure??
Well for those of you who don't know what allure is, it means attraction. So right now I believe that everything has it's bad sides. Like how anime can be bad because it might corrupt a persons head or... how much optimism might result to failure in the end. Well this person describes all of the said things. Not directly but...i think you get my point.
I never intended to be really close to this person(let's call this person Rebecca[gah! darn Wild arms!!]). So when I first saw Rebecca she was with Flint. Me, having no idea of what's happening I came to my other friends- Lance, Fallon...etc. I remember Fallon once told me that she introduced both of them then they suddenly became inseparable. I thought of plotting a plan. Yes, a BAD plan. I plotted to get close to Rebecca and make sure that Flint was alone. Yes, I know it was bad...but back then when she stopped hang out with us as if we were replaced made us mad. Anyway, I soon decided to stop what I was planning since it was too....well...something. Until finally one day, I communicated with her. So even I suddenly became inseparable with her. The plan that I backed out on suddenly appeared, the irony of everything. So since that time we became inseparable.
Recently we're not really talking that much. If she asks a question I answer and our conversation is over. So anyway, recently this person is really getting into my nerves. When I recall and look back....if we hadn't met then things would have been a lot more peaceful. Although...when I also looked back. I can't help but thank her for the troubles that she has given me and my friends. I know it's weird that I'm thanking the person who gave us troubles..but it's true. Without her I would still be the same person I was back then. Without her me and Flint wouldn't have settled the hidden cracks between us. So even if she does give us trouble...I still thank her. So thank you Rebecca.
Posted by Cresent at Sunday, October 28, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Questions to ask yourself...regularly.
Someone once observed that you learn more by the questions you ask than by the answers you give. Call it Socratic learning, if you will, but I find that asking questions of myself helps keep me on track. Here are ten I ask regularly.
What am I resisting?
The seeds of growth lie in your resistance to what is new, unfamiliar, or unpleasant. All too often, the very things we resist most are the things that force us to grow the most. So, be attentive to those subtle gut-tightening signals that hint of an opportunity for learning
What is the lesson here?
There's a second step that is needed to reinforce the insight gained by asking the first question. In order to really benefit, we have to actually seek out the lesson, demonstrate that we really want to hear, and be willing to follow the often-subtle guidance that comes.
Have I been here before?
Often our most pressing issues are thinly disguised versions of problems we've failed to solve in the past. Different names and faces maybe, but the same underneath, destined not to go away until we meet and resolve them once and for all. If your answer to this question is, yes, then maybe it's time to get to the bottom of the issue and solve it!
Am I losing energy to this?
We pay a price for every negative thought we entertain, and it's measured in decreased energy, heightened depression, reduced immune function, and sometimes serious illness. Although you may believe otherwise, we have to reach the place where anger, frustration, worry, and criticism have no place in our experience. Until we do, we are losing energy, diluting our focus, and rendering ourselves vulnerable.
Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
One of the most difficult tasks of this life consists in letting go-of our attachments, of ego, of our need to be right, and ultimately, of this life. You cannot fly unless you are willing to relinquish your firm footing on earth; flying requires that sort of faith, and commitment. The surprising thing is that, when we really let go, we begin to grow.
Am I in the present?
Every moment you spend regretting the past or worrying about the future is a moment of the present, lost. Yes, we need to complete the past, wind up our unfinished business, and be attentive to trends that portend of future events, but we can take action only in the present. So, that's where your full attention needs to be, and staying in the present is a full time job.
What do I need to do now?
To act or not to act, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to take action against a sea of troubles and so by doing, prolong them, or to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous inaction and so gain clarity. (Shakespeare would sue for what I've done to Hamlet's timeless prose) Put the question differently: is there a NEED for action now? Often, we act because we're afraid that, if we don't, things will get worse. The truth is that deliberate inaction is action, and it is often a way to allow a cloudy situation to become clear.
Who's in control here?
True or false?: It's important to be in control of your life. Control can be a big issue for some people, especially if they feel they don't have it. So, granted, it's perfectly reasonable to want to feel in control. Letting go of the past, staying in the present, and taking action (including no action) are all ways to develop a sense that you are in control. But, let me suggest that there is a step beyond control. It is to recognize that, ultimately, you are NOT in control-that you are always subject to a higher authority. Paradoxically, this recognition and your acknowledgement of it can free you from the need to always be IN control.
What is my responsibility here?
Have you noticed how some people have a need to involve others in their problems? If it's your boss, your significant other, or your child, it's normal to conclude that your have to do something. But, that something doesn't mean becoming part of the problem! Your responsibility, in this case, is to maintain a level of detachment that will enable you to see the situation clearly, and this clarity pertains not only to the solution, but to the extent that you should be involved in the problem in the first place.
Am I at peace with this?
Do you know when you're at peace with something? Chances are, it's when you can look at an issue, person, or problem and feel no charge, no subtle or sudden surge of emotion. But peace is something more. It's about balance, an inner certainty that you are untouched by it, him, or her. The peace-check is a key element in gaining closure, in ascertaining that the situation is complete.
Posted by Cresent at Friday, October 26, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Feeling left behind anyone?
Have any of you Guys feel....well I don't know? Left behind.. Like...ugh... for example, you go with your group of friends then suddenly you feel as if you're left behind. Like, one person is paired with the other and your the only one left without a partner. So what you do is that you just stick with them but the feeling of being left out is there. I'll tell you my story and how I end up feeling this way..
Well I finally go back to my own group of friends. What's different with my group of friends now is that we have a new friend join the group, Blue. She's also a friend of mine even before I rejoined my group. At first, I was happy cuz all of us were having fun. Me and White would usually hang out together after classes because she's trying out for a varsity slot in our schools swimming team and I always practice there cuz I'm part of the team. Anyway, a few weeks pass by there was some change. White had a cold so she can't go swimming(it's alright, I understand.. I usually just swim and talk to my other friends in the pool. Anyway, enough of that that's another story.). Then as time passes I noticed that they were going in groups. Like... Blue, Violet and Orange goes together as one group. White, is usually too busy or she goes out with other people. Black and Pink are usually both together. I feel as if I wasn't part of the group anymore. I kept on telling myself that I wanted to transfer schools, you know. Get a new life and start again. Sadly my dream of transferring schools that time was impossible. My father already payed full tuition and I'm already half way the school year. There's no way I'll be allowed to transfer. Anyway, I go with them even with the feeling of being left out or...how we call it "OP". One day while I was eating cereal fro breakfast I thought of this situation...then something hit me.
At this point a friend of mine, Flint, noticed my condition. She jokes around a bit saying things like I'll look older if I lack sleep or I already look old that even the flies are surrounding me. Anyway, after Filipino I go back to sleep when she approaches me and notices that I'm hot. She suggests that I go to the clinic. She volunteers to escort me there(which I'm not sure if she's concerned or she just wants to go out....hehehe JOKE!) So anyway, I stay in the clinic until 12 or lunch time.
-From one of my posts entitled "today..."
During recess time my friends all went to visit me when I was in the clinic. That thought really hit me.I was like..."how could I be so stupid! I was never left behind...It was only a temporary feeling. In the end I was never left behind." When I knew that it made me really happy to know.
Now what's the lesson here? Simply said, don't say that your useless or people leave you behind. When you look back you might be surprised on how much you have helped others or how they helped you.
Posted by Cresent at Monday, October 22, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Episode 4: The Poet
I met this guy since last year but we weren't formally introduced until this year. He's a fellow writer like me. Although, unlike me he takes his writing into constant practice by joining the the Tambuli Club, our school's club newspaper. I've read his poems and they were nice. You can really see the feeling being displayed in his poems. Yes, he's a fool for romance. A guy who hids in the dark with her as his only source of light. Hahaha! Wow this was really filled with cheese and corn!
Following my foolish yet "poetic" verse, I actually enjoy talking to him and he's a fun guy. I remember one time when a friend of our was in trouble. He gave his advice and our friend and another friend left to go somewhere. Me and him were left there we talked about things, like how good it is to know that you helped someone or to know that you play a role in a persons life. I can't help but agree. Usually after classes we would bump into each other and we would talk if neither of us were busy. We would talk about serious things...and sometimes about his story that he's making with his------ Okay that's confidential. Also sometimes we would bump into each other again after I'm done with my swimming. Again we talk and if there is something troubling him he would share it with me. (Man... I wish I could do the same...)
Right now I asked him if he would want to join our Outreach group, a group wherein we talk about God and how we can make our everyday activities pleasing to Him. He said he'll still check on it. Since every Thurs is when we take it and they prepare for their PMT.... -_-
Posted by Cresent at Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Exams and Priorities
Huh...well the exams are nearing. I have World History, English and Values as my first 3 exams. I'm kinda lazy to study really(that explains why I'm writing here). Anyway, I'm lazy...but...I don't want to fail! I just want to get a good grade. Practically all my teachers have been telling me that my grades are lower this quarter especially my World History and Chemistry Teachers. Huh... to be honest I just want to swim and relax. Even if I'm not joining the upcoming Milo Little Olympics... I just want to do what I want ofcourse that will never happen. I know I have my priorities. I always have my career 3rd in my list, 2nd is my family and the top spot is my God, the 4th of course is my friends.
Posted by Cresent at Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Fear
Have you ever been afraid? I mean very afraid? I am... every passing day, the fact that the days are counting to that day, the more I think about it the more I ask myself questions. The more I ask myself, the more I am afraid. Though I feel honored to be there but am I good enough? Just that question fears me. I know it's not right to worry on how people will think of you... It's just that I want to give...to show myself what I am. I want to show myself that I'm good by how people will see me. I mean... you might have your talent, you want to know where you are that's why you ask. I mean the use of competitions is to prove yourself, prove to yourself what you are made of. In other words, what's the use of moving when you don't know where you are?
To tell the truth I was shocked by how fast I was accepted. I was proud of it. I really was and I think I let it show. I was happy really happy that I got in. I made fun friends when doing this.
Prize, right, friends? What more could you ask for? Though whenever somebody would tell me that I don't belong with them... I get hurt yet in the same time get a taste of reality. Reality, because I wonder why I got there. I mean "why did I get in?" "HOW DID I GET IN?" I understand that my coach has high hopes for me like any other aspiring athlete or athlete. But still...(ugh...my words are so jumbled!!) "HOW GOOD AM I?".So that's why every night I pray to God that I'll get better. Every night I pray that I'll be alright. I pray that He will take good care of me and give me the stamina and strength to improve. Every time during practice, when ever I feel tired or I can't go on, I tell myself "Just a little more." "I can't give up" "Lord, please help" The reason why I go beyond my limits is because I know that if I don't break it I can't become better.
Hence, as the days count by...I pray to God that I will be able to prove myself. That I will be able to be the best I can when that day comes...I'll leave the rest to you me Shepard.
Countdown: